More than meets the eye
We are sitting together, looking at his English notes, and I can see his frustration in his eyes. Before I can even finish my sentence, she slumps back in her chair, rolls over, her voice shaking as she shouts, “I’m going to fail! Her foster mother, hearing the commotion, rushes over to us. She sighs and tells me that her adopted daughter gets discouraged easily. She mentions that she often seems disinterested in any subject, she doesn’t pay attention during classes, and prefers to scroll on her phone or hang out with the wrong friends instead of studying.
It would be easy to call this typical teenage disrespect – a battle of wills between an adult and a child. But at that moment, I saw something profound: a survival instinct, built up by the past, playing right there in the living room.
Scenes like this don’t just stop at home – they often appear in classrooms too, where aggression is often misinterpreted as laziness, indifference, or rebellion.
What we see versus what is actually happening
In the classroom, these behaviors are often seen: sudden outbursts of anger, withdrawing from friends or teachers, trouble staying focused on tasks, or acting rudely. As teachers, we notice this behavior quickly and want to help – but in our eagerness to deal with it, we may overlook what the child really needs.
Beyond the normal circumstances of growing up, many young people carry invisible burdens. Some live in unhealthy environments every day, which can trigger trauma responses—making it difficult to control emotions and often pushing them into survival mode. When a child’s nervous system is in survival mode, the mind prioritizes safety over learning, making it more difficult to focus, remember, and regulate emotions. So when a child seems defiant or disturbed, there is usually something more going on underneath.
Trauma does not have one face
However, trauma rarely looks the same from one child to the next. There is a student whose world is filled with all the loud sounds – he explodes or retreats, wanting to be free. Someone is quiet in the back of the classroom, oblivious, sitting alone like a heavy coat. Then there is the child who, after being bullied for years, is now taking the pain out, hurting others before they hurt him.
On the surface, their behavior could not be more different, but underneath it all lie the same roots of fear and survival.
No teacher is an island
So, what happens when teachers notice that something is wrong with a student?
I’ll be honest – sometimes, as a teacher, I’ve felt alone trying to help a child in crisis.
In most schools, everyone – teachers, psychologists, administrators – tries their best. But if staff don’t communicate well, children can slip through the cracks – and that always weighs heavily on me.
My previous example shows how important collaboration between social workers, foster care centers, and school staff is to help a child feel supported and understood. Working together ensures that no child is left behind.
Adults outside the classroom
School is not separate from home, and the effects of trauma do not disappear when the school day ends. The child’s support network – caregivers, social services, school professionals – is very important for real healing.
In my project, I worked with a foster child with behavioral challenges. Our support team, which includes foster parents, social workers, psychologists, teachers, and a volunteer who works directly with her, provided complementary academic and emotional support. We provided academic support, consistent guidance, and a patient, sensitive approach while closely monitoring his progress.
In cases of complex trauma, the psychotherapist can be an important part of the support team. In some cases, combined efforts between caregivers, teachers, and school staff may be sufficient.
The important thing to remember is that providing adequate support does not always bring immediate change. Change takes time, and progress is often slow, but consistent support is always important. A traumatized child needs patience and understanding, and time to build trust. The first step? Notice when something is off, try to see things from the child’s point of view, and find, together, a way to provide ongoing support.
I still remember the words of the manager at the Care Center for Non-Parents, where I volunteered. He said, “Sometimes, traumatized children do not change as quickly as we would like, and we may not see any noticeable change in the next few months.” But one day, maybe even a few years later, you will see them begin to follow your advice and accept your help.”
What exactly can teachers do from tomorrow?
All of this may sound overwhelming, but there are practical steps teachers can take right away. For them, it is important to create procedures that help every child feel safe and valued in the classroom. This can be done in a number of ways, such as setting up predictable routines that allow students to know what to expect, which conveys a sense of security. Instead of asking the child, “What’s wrong with you?” when they are upset, it is better to ask, “What happened to you?” That helps them feel more understood.
Building a strong relationship with the school psychologist before a disaster occurs can make early intervention more effective. It is also important to learn the difference between a child who refuses to do something and a child who cannot, which can help teachers respond better.
Besides having the right attitude, there are small changes in how teachers can set up things that communicate with students that they are in a safe place. These changes do not require special training or additional resources. On Monday mornings, teachers can start by using anonymous “check-in” slips, which allow students to share any problems they may be facing without feeling exposed or judged. They should manage the occupancy chart to ensure that dangerous or toxic groups are separated. During class, using physical proximity—not necessarily loud or direct intervention—can quietly stop inappropriate gossip. Always pre-assign work groups to make sure no student feels left out or isolated in front of others.
These small but important steps show that the teacher is actively managing the classroom in a thoughtful and non-confrontational manner, helping to create a supportive and inclusive learning environment.
The conclusion
When he finally stands up and shouts “you’re a failure,” those words no longer sound like typical teenage rebellion. Instead, they echo unresolved trauma and support that came too late. If his environment was based on patience rather than quick decisions like “problem” or “laziness,” that moment of frustration would not be seen as a lack of ambition or respect, but as a necessary survival strategy.
No English test or academic achievement could heal the deep wounds he faced. It is sad to know that a child who has endured so much still believes people who tell him that he is not worth the effort. The teachers are doing everything they can, chasing after the needs of many students. However, without strong support from the principal and the wider school community, it often felt like an uphill battle. Despite these challenges, by the end of our year together, he had really improved: good study habits, strong grades, and most importantly, he was finally opening up about what had hurt him the most. The goodbye was bittersweet. I felt proud, but also a little sad – hoping that the seeds we planted will continue to grow long after I’m gone.
